would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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