i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
