Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pants are for mortals
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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