I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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