smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
