Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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