she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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