Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
