I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Less talking, more tequila
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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