we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
