remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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