My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dicks are not precious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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