A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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