Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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