No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it glows. i had to have it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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