This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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