you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
