You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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