Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
