I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
