: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
