I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
