I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
