Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
