just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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