God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she looked like the before picture.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
