I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
