you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
