I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
