Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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