u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
