i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
