If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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