I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
