Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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