Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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