dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
