Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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