The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
