Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
