grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
