I could have mohawked her pubes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
