Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
