I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
