You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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