She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
