No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
