i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We are all done wearing pants today
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
