Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
