Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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