I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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